I have no idea who this Yvonne girl is now.. Lately I've felt like I'm always emotional about the littlest things yet the happiest girl alive. I know not the smartest girl in the garden and I'm known to be another London Tipton. I laugh it off but I'm hurt by that.. I don't want to be known for being stupid and clueless all the time. I mean i CAN be but i know more then just caring about the way i look. I'm still hurt from my last relationship... I'm just scared that maybe it can happen again. I even ran into my ex today.. the abusive one. He seemed really happy to see me but too bad i wasn't. He told me that i should call him once in a while just to talk. Nothing else cause he realize what he did and took advantage of what i offered. Truth to be told, I'm scared to have a boyfriend. All of my exes dumped me. One of them i understand why. Things weren't just right. The other two left me for another girl. Then i started to talk to other guys and THEY also left me for another girl or they just used me or just left me there not knowing why. I'm not too fond with this whole relationship thing. I used to get REALLY good grade but now i get 2.0 and lower.. which isn't good. I always say school is my first priority but look what a guy can do to me. They always tend to run around my head during school and this is what i get. Perhaps i just fall for the wrong guy. There is a guy right now that i really like. But I'm not sure if i can keep up to him. Because he has school and i have school. & I'm still on that stage that doesn't know what to do. I've been told to stay single and let things flow and what not. But look at me. Single for a year and still doesn't know what to do. I have bad luck with boys. Not saying I'm going for girls or anything. Maybe I'm not ready for a relationship. I really don't know. But i wish i did. I've been so caught up with my friends situations and helping them, that i haven't even took the time and relax and help myself. & everyone tells me to sit down and just cry it out and everything will be fine. I've been doing that. That shit doesn't work it just make me look like a weak person and I actually have became a weak person now. I don't have a supportive family at all to back me up when i need that. I just bring me down to the lowest and i have to suck it up and put on a smile. Shit ain't easy. There's so much problems in my life that my family members don't even know. Sometimes i feel like running to them and ask them for help but i just can't. My parents already run around and tell people bad shit about me so how am i suppose to run to them and ask for help? & even when i try to talk to them they always change the subject about school. I already feel bad for myself. & this is why i just don't what to do anymore. I hope no one reads this and get the wrong idea.